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Last night on the impossibly lonely way home on a cab that had that famous love advice program on, I tried so hard to keep myself from falling asleep. Even if my day consisted of having had a frustrating time doing press work, to taking the wrong jeep because I forgot I was going to Greenhills first and not Katipunan, to being stupid and drinking almost 3/4ths of the overpriced pitcher of alcohol I bought, only one thing was constantly on my mind: you.
I miss how you tell me you love me, and how you'll tell me to rest when it's obvious you're the one that should sleep during our past-midnight calls. I miss how you held me and first told me you were serious about pursuing me (while I got frozen and unable to reply because I was panicking inside), and how you held me again while repeating those words (only this time, I embraced you back). I miss how you take me by surprise all the time when our eyes meet and suddenly our lips crash into each other, not minding were we were or who we were.
It was a great night that I spent with good friends but still, I felt sad and miserable that I just had to joke about being single and how you were busy anyway so it wouldn't matter if I become a little reckless and drink more than what I should and stay longer than what was planned.
And so I took the ride alone. When I finally stepped off the cab, I checked my bag to see if I left anything and on instinct, I grabbed my phone to check if I missed anything. What surprised me is that it had your name in bold and for some weird reason you were already on the line without me having pressed anything. Funny how the first thing I told you wasn't "hello" or anything cheesy: it was "DID MY BAG CALL YOU???"
I then remembered how I texted you in all caps I miss you and then proceeded to apologise for how I was so clingy lately and suddenly started laughing for no reason at all. I also told you this a lot of times:
"Wag mo ako i-JB, please."*
And it feels silly how I said something so horrible while laughing uncontrollably. Perhaps it's because it is a hypothetical situation that isn't really all too impossible. Maybe it's also because I'm scared of getting my heart broken when I feel like I really want to commit to you.
You were quick to tell me that you won't, though. That this will work out. You also told me how you're really sorry and that you should be the one who should be doing something about what's happening. I replied saying that I understand that you're busy and that it's alright—even if we both knew it wasn't. You cut me off and told me that you know it's not okay. And I cracked and just had to say yes to that because I already miss you so much and I'm scared you'll forget about me.
I just can't bear thinking that it's not impossible for you to forget that you also love a girl named Shanice and she's someone who needs to be taken care of regularly because she's learning at an insane speed how to love you. But thank you—and I love you—for always telling me that what we have right now is something that will work out.
* My friend, JB, left one of my best friends after courting and dating her for 8 months because he was too busy with his academics and other commitments. Said best friend was really devastated because she really thought it the relationship she had so long wanted—and she did give her best to make that happen. JB just didn't prioritise her after all, it seemed, and chose to let go of her instead of his commitments.
I miss how you tell me you love me, and how you'll tell me to rest when it's obvious you're the one that should sleep during our past-midnight calls. I miss how you held me and first told me you were serious about pursuing me (while I got frozen and unable to reply because I was panicking inside), and how you held me again while repeating those words (only this time, I embraced you back). I miss how you take me by surprise all the time when our eyes meet and suddenly our lips crash into each other, not minding were we were or who we were.
It was a great night that I spent with good friends but still, I felt sad and miserable that I just had to joke about being single and how you were busy anyway so it wouldn't matter if I become a little reckless and drink more than what I should and stay longer than what was planned.
And so I took the ride alone. When I finally stepped off the cab, I checked my bag to see if I left anything and on instinct, I grabbed my phone to check if I missed anything. What surprised me is that it had your name in bold and for some weird reason you were already on the line without me having pressed anything. Funny how the first thing I told you wasn't "hello" or anything cheesy: it was "DID MY BAG CALL YOU???"
I then remembered how I texted you in all caps I miss you and then proceeded to apologise for how I was so clingy lately and suddenly started laughing for no reason at all. I also told you this a lot of times:
"Wag mo ako i-JB, please."*
And it feels silly how I said something so horrible while laughing uncontrollably. Perhaps it's because it is a hypothetical situation that isn't really all too impossible. Maybe it's also because I'm scared of getting my heart broken when I feel like I really want to commit to you.
You were quick to tell me that you won't, though. That this will work out. You also told me how you're really sorry and that you should be the one who should be doing something about what's happening. I replied saying that I understand that you're busy and that it's alright—even if we both knew it wasn't. You cut me off and told me that you know it's not okay. And I cracked and just had to say yes to that because I already miss you so much and I'm scared you'll forget about me.
I just can't bear thinking that it's not impossible for you to forget that you also love a girl named Shanice and she's someone who needs to be taken care of regularly because she's learning at an insane speed how to love you. But thank you—and I love you—for always telling me that what we have right now is something that will work out.
* My friend, JB, left one of my best friends after courting and dating her for 8 months because he was too busy with his academics and other commitments. Said best friend was really devastated because she really thought it the relationship she had so long wanted—and she did give her best to make that happen. JB just didn't prioritise her after all, it seemed, and chose to let go of her instead of his commitments.
